A few weeks ago on Glee*, they sang "Total Eclipse of the Heart" by Bonnie Tyler. The song, which came out in the 80s, is currently undergoing a bit of a renaissance** as it should, because it is an awesome song. It's one of those major ballads, full of drama and melodrama,*** that goes on forever and that you can't help but sing along to. It's a classic song, one that never fails to make you feel better when you hear it.

"But, Jay," you might be saying, "I agree that 'Total Eclipse' is a good song, but five versions? Why would you need five?"

Well, anonymous reader, here's why:

1. First, you need the classic version by Bonnie Tyler. Yes, it's cheesy, and yes, it's long, but there's a reason why this version of the song was a huge hit and that reason is Bonnie Tyler.****, *****

2. And then, of course, you need the dance remix version sung by Nikki French, which is superior to most other remix versions, because French resang the song, and didn't just speed up the vocals. (Also, the typos in this version of the video make me laugh a little.)

3. And then I have another dance remix version, but that's just because it was on a remix CD that I bought for a dollar for another song.******

4. And then I have the hard rock version by Swedish punk band Stickboy, just because you gotta mix it up. It's a credit to this song that it sounds just as good as a punk version as it does as a ballad or a dance song.

5. And finally, I have Tori Amos' live cover of the song, which is just. Yes. It's totally different from all of the other versions, but you can still hear the epicness of the song, even in this stripped down version. Total Eclipse. Of The Heart.

I wonder -- am I the only one that does this? Buys more than one version of the same song, just because it's an awesome song and it's fun to listen to over and over again? Because it's not just "Total Eclipse of the Heart" that I have more than one version of (although it is one of the ones I have the most versions of). I have three different versions of "Always On My Mind." I have three different versions of "Take On Me" by a-ha (including an a cappella version). I have three different versions of "The Sun Always Shines on TV" also by a-ha, which I'm sure most people have never ever HEARD OF.******* I even have two versions of "Ziggy Stardust" by David Bowie, which my mother thinks is blashphemy. I can't be the only one who does this, can I? Surely not.


* Yes, I still watch it -- I can't help it -- but don't get my started on the crap characterization and the manipulative gimmicks they've been using in this second half of the season. It's ridiculous. RIDICULOUS.

** It also made a hilarious appearance in the movie Diary of a Wimpy Kid. All of the parents in the audience (and me--I was with my niece) were crying with laughter, and all the kids were looking at us like "huh?"

*** It should be. It was written by Jim Steinman, who is famous for writing every song that Meatloaf ever made famous, including "I Would Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That)" and the entire Bat out of Hell album, which used to be my favorite album when I was, like, nine, because saying the title meant that I could say "hell."

**** See, also, her song "Holding Out For a Hero" from the Footloose soundtrack.

***** Also, this video is the subject of a hilarious Literal Video, where they sing what's happening in the video.

Hee! Twirl around, Ninjas!

****** "Heaven" by DJ Sammy, in case you care.

******* I'm a big a-ha fan. There are maybe 20 of us in the whole U.S. but we're rabid.


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