How Do I Know What I Think Until I See What I Say?

As a writer, I steal stuff from real life all the time and put it in my stories. Parts of conversations, situations, character traits, events...all of it goes into my mental blender and comes out onto the page in such a way that, if you knew me, you might be able to pick up. "Hey," you might say, "the name of that character in that story in remarkably similar to your full name, Jay."* Or, "hey, that character's relationship is a lot like your friend M's relationship with her mother." Or "wow, that kid is a lot like the guy you dated when you were a junior in high school." I think all authors do this to some extent.** The beauty of it is, if you're doing it right, the reader who doesn't know you won't get the feeling that he's peering into your secret personal life. Why? Because it's fictionalized. That's the difference between writing a journal entry and writing a story. But sometimes people, especially peo