How Do I Know What I Think Until I See What I Say?

NOTE: This post contains spoilers for The Fifth.   Peter Murphy.  ::swoon:: Oh, Anastase, Problem Child Extraordinaire.  At the beginning of The Fifth, Anastase is terrible .  He's selfish, he's rude, he's heartless, and all of that makes him incredibly attractive to Suzanne, who has, sincerely, the worst taste in men. He's one of those guys who you know you should stay away from and yet don't want to. Originally, my conception of Anastase's physical appearance was based on the singer Peter Murphy from Bauhaus, that angular, mysterious, dangerous vibe, that people either love or hate.  A more modern approximation is actor/model Luke Eisner, although he's a little too . . . healthy looking for Anastase.  He needs to drop a little weight -- maybe pick up a teeny coke habit or something -- and then he would be perfect! :) If Luke Eisner loses 20 pounds, he is Ana.   Because he's the First of his Circle, Anastase thinks that means ...

The latest excerpt, still from Chapter 3, in which Suzanne encounters a bully and talks about sex.  Previous excerpts are here: Excerpt 1 Excerpt 2 Excerpt 3 Excerpt 4   ***** The football team had a bye week in anticipation of Homecoming (and the fact that I even knew what a “bye week” was was a testament to how much I liked Gabriel), so Gabriel showed up at my locker after school to join me and Spencer on the walk home. “We’re so happy for you,” Spencer told him, ducking under his arm to hug him. “Are we?” I asked, sliding in under Gabriel’s other arm. “You are a terrible liar,” Gabriel told Spencer, hugging him close. “Fag,” someone muttered behind us. I snapped my head around and saw a couple of kids around Spencer’s age snickering into their hands. I took a step toward them. “What’d you say?” They scowled at me. “Nothing,” one of them answered. “No, really, what’d you say?” Gabriel asked, his voice mild and friendly, his arm still around Spence...

Hi, Random Girl! This post contains spoilers for The Fifth. This picture of this random girl who I have not been able to identify despite my best efforts, is as close to Suzanne as I have been able to find on the internet.  This girl is not quite as alternative in style as Suzanne is, but Suzanne is not as goth or alternative as the pictures that turn up when I google those key words, so this girl will have to do.  Imagine her wearing more black and more eyeliner and you'd have her about right. Contrary to the beliefs of some of my friends, Suzanne is not me.* She and I are similar in many ways, but Suzanne comes from a very different background and operates with a level of self-assurance I never would have had as a girl her age, because she comes from privilege and, as a result, has the belief that she should get what she wants when she wants it.  Sometimes, that makes Suzanne kind of a bitch in the bad way. In fact, one of the reviews from a stranger of The...

In which Suzanne goes to a pep rally.  A pep rally! Previous excerpts are here: Excerpt 1 Excerpt 2 Excerpt 3 ***** Chapter Three In retrospect, I should have hounded Merri more, pushed him look harder at his vision, or at least more often. But as the pain in my chest faded, so did my desire to face the bad news we might find, and my reluctance was shared by the Beryls. Anastase was trying to graduate high school, Spencer was trying to survive it, and Gabriel and I were wrapped in our own little bubble of love, a bubble barely dented by Merri’s warning. Even Merri himself was distracted by his after school activities, his friends, his college applications. Our everyday lives seemed more urgent than a vague vision of something maybe happening in the future that might be bad. As Merri often said, the future wasn’t set, so it was easy to ignore this warning and hope it came to nothing. But even if we had taken the vision seriou...

In which shit starts to get real. Previous excerpts can be found here: Excerpt 1 Excerpt 2 ***** Since we were going to call the Circle, I went right home instead of watching football practice. My parents and I had healed the rift that brought us out to Benowa in the first place, but my mother still preferred it when I was home when she got home. Even better if the dog was walked and fed and I had dinner started when she came through the door. My mother had high standards, but she was not above a little bribery. She knew something was up, though, when she saw me chopping celery for homemade dressing. "Okay, what do you want?" she asked, hanging her coat on the hook next to the steps. "What?" I made my best innocent face, but I was lying my butt off and the woman knew it. "Fine." I sighed. "I want to go over to Gabriel's after dinner. If it's okay with you. I'm done with my homework. I'm making pork chops for dinner. I...