How Do I Know What I Think Until I See What I Say?

Hi, Random Girl! This post contains spoilers for The Fifth. This picture of this random girl who I have not been able to identify despite my best efforts, is as close to Suzanne as I have been able to find on the internet.  This girl is not quite as alternative in style as Suzanne is, but Suzanne is not as goth or alternative as the pictures that turn up when I google those key words, so this girl will have to do.  Imagine her wearing more black and more eyeliner and you'd have her about right. Contrary to the beliefs of some of my friends, Suzanne is not me.* She and I are similar in many ways, but Suzanne comes from a very different background and operates with a level of self-assurance I never would have had as a girl her age, because she comes from privilege and, as a result, has the belief that she should get what she wants when she wants it.  Sometimes, that makes Suzanne kind of a bitch in the bad way. In fact, one of the reviews from a stranger of The...

In which Suzanne goes to a pep rally.  A pep rally! Previous excerpts are here: Excerpt 1 Excerpt 2 Excerpt 3 ***** Chapter Three In retrospect, I should have hounded Merri more, pushed him look harder at his vision, or at least more often. But as the pain in my chest faded, so did my desire to face the bad news we might find, and my reluctance was shared by the Beryls. Anastase was trying to graduate high school, Spencer was trying to survive it, and Gabriel and I were wrapped in our own little bubble of love, a bubble barely dented by Merri’s warning. Even Merri himself was distracted by his after school activities, his friends, his college applications. Our everyday lives seemed more urgent than a vague vision of something maybe happening in the future that might be bad. As Merri often said, the future wasn’t set, so it was easy to ignore this warning and hope it came to nothing. But even if we had taken the vision seriou...

In which shit starts to get real. Previous excerpts can be found here: Excerpt 1 Excerpt 2 ***** Since we were going to call the Circle, I went right home instead of watching football practice. My parents and I had healed the rift that brought us out to Benowa in the first place, but my mother still preferred it when I was home when she got home. Even better if the dog was walked and fed and I had dinner started when she came through the door. My mother had high standards, but she was not above a little bribery. She knew something was up, though, when she saw me chopping celery for homemade dressing. "Okay, what do you want?" she asked, hanging her coat on the hook next to the steps. "What?" I made my best innocent face, but I was lying my butt off and the woman knew it. "Fine." I sighed. "I want to go over to Gabriel's after dinner. If it's okay with you. I'm done with my homework. I'm making pork chops for dinner. I...

If I could only pick one album as the soundtrack to The Fifth, it would be Deep by Peter Murphy (and not just because Peter Murphy was the original inspiration for Anastase -- more on that, later).  Murphy is the former lead singer of Bauhaus, so it's not surprising that the album is dark and moody and mystical. But unlike a lot of music in the genre, Deep isn't sad or depressing . . . at least not entirely. :)  One of my favorite songs on the album is this one, "Cuts You Up," which is really a very representative song for the whole album.  I listened to this album incessantly for several years, so much so that parts of it made its way into The Fifth, like these lyrics: I find you in the morning after dreams of distant signs. You pour yourself over me like the sun through the blinds . Which some of you may recognize as very similar to the scene where Suzanne wakes up from the cantilever ceremony. ::whistles in the dark:: Also, is this the most Anastase B...

Here's the second excerpt from The Fourth Horseman, the beginning of Chapter 2, in which Suzanne makes googly eyes. ***** Chapter Two When I came to Benowa High School in the middle of spring semester, fresh out of rehab, I hated the place.   The kids were mean and stupid and boring, and I didn't fit in with any of them.   School was a time-suck I had to suffer through until I could get back to my real life, even if that real life involved me sitting up in my room with my dog.   At least my dog was cute. I fully expected to feel the same when I started this fall as a junior, but things had changed.   Maybe they would have changed anyway because I was no longer new, just another student like everyone else, but I thought it was mostly because I was now associated with Gabriel and Merri Beryl.   Gabriel was popular because he was a jock, that simple.   He was more popular because he was good looking and nice and because his p...